The Outsider: Utterly buttery family feud
|By Will Jones - The Outsider | September 7 2017|
And there it was in an instant, a family divided. Mom and dad split, one sweet little daughter resolute and carrying on, the other looking apprehensive, knowing that she would have to make the important choice – do I go with mommy or daddy?
And all of it happening at our dining table. I laughed nervously. Little Z was less sensitive to the situation, guffawing and waving his cob of corn in the air.
“Oh Clementine, really! You know how I hate that,” said mom, “and in our host’s best butter dish, too.”
“But daddy let’s us do it at home,” retorted the angelic little girl, now grinding the cob of corn down into the butter as if to make a point.
“Yep, it’s what corn’s meant for,” grinned dad. “How else are you gonna get that cob covered in butter?”
“But it ruins the pat, melts it everywhere and worst of all, makes your toast taste of corn the next morning!” raged mom, waving a mock-angry fist at her daughter.
By now, Little Z had wrangled the butter dish from Clementine and was busily mashing his corn into the yellow loveliness with glee, for he had never even thought of rolling the cob through the butter before. He had been taught the far less successful but also less intrusive, knob slicing method.
“Look daddy, it works great,” he said, brandishing the butter slathered corn above his head; the golden melted droplets sparkling in the sunlight as they were flicked through the air, splashed up the wall, on the floor and in his hair. Jeff the dog did his best with a hasty clean up.
“Don’t worry,” grimaced my lovely wife, “we have another block of butter so the toast will taste fine,” her voice aimed politely at our guest, her eyes narrowing at my son as he went in for another dip after licking the butter off of his cob.
The butter dish was whisked deftly away by little Naomi, before he had a chance to double dip, or roll. She was quick, realizing that butter rolling was going to be OK, and more importantly, that it was her turn next. As she rescued the butter, she smiled at her mother.
“We’ll get you another butter dish for your toast, mom,” she said. Mom smiled lovingly at her daughter. “Thank you my sweet. We’ll do just that!”
Perfect. The wisdom of young minds. A long fought over problem, solved, and a family, almost torn apart by corn strands on the toast, reunited. Such a precious moment. For a short while, all was quiet save for the crunch of teeth on butter-soaked corn, and I like to think we savoured the taste, and what had just occurred over our dinner table.
Then, one of our sweet little guests said: “Mommy, tell them about the time you got a coat hanger stuck in your mouth...” I dropped my corn, mom blushed, Jeff came running and that story is for another day.
WILL JONES - is The Outsider