The Outsider: Positively potatoes
|By Will Jones - The Outsider | May 30, 2019|
Well, they’re here. Vicious biting little beasties, swarms of them and there’s absolutely nothing we can do about it, short of moving the Blighty. But you don’t want to do that, trust me, I’ve been there.
But the bugs, dammit ... There I go again, moaning about stuff. In thinking about what to write this week, I quickly came up with two or three ideas, including the bugs, but all were me whining about this or that. And then I thought back to recent weeks and guess what, I was moaning ... about weather, politics, renovations, about being 50 and the list goes on, I’m sure. So, enough is enough, even though on reaching half a century, I am surely allowed to slowly turn into a grumpy old man, I’m going to try my hardest to put on a brave face and think, and write, about positive things.
Like what my ambitions for this year are. Until a moment ago, I had not considered just what I want to achieve this year, which is kind of frightening because it’s June this week. However, on pondering the question, I have come up with a few things that I hope I can conquer in 2019. First is the renovation of my house (no moaning allowed) albeit a necessity rather than a wish. Next would be to go fishing more often than I did last year, which won’t be hard because you can count the number of times I managed to get rod in hand last year on one hand. That’s not moaning, purely fact. But, the renovation could get seriously in the way of my fishing ambitions, so that might be a difficult ambition to achieve (could be construed as moaning, I guess). Then there’s the most important thing that I feel I must do before summer is over. I have to build a potato cannon.
While almost every born and bred Haliburtonian and Mindenite has built many a potato cannon, me, a foreigner, relatively new to these shores and this rural life, had never even seen spud firing apparatus of any kind before last summer. It was a revelation.
Jeff brought around his black plastic pipe cannon, a bag of potatoes and a can of hair spray. We watched in trepidation as he stuffed a potato down the barrel and then, ‘PHOOT’, we gasped in awe as said potato shot straight up, skywards, for what seemed like about 200 feet. Then, we ran screaming in all directions as we realized that the potato was making a very rapid descent towards us.
Whoa ... ‘PHOOT’, “oooo ... RUN!!!” What fun we had.
So, that’s my ambition for this year, to make a potato cannon. I may moan about how difficult it is, or not. I might whine about the price of ABS couplings and hair spray, probably. But, when all is said and done, I’ll be mighty pleased, ‘PHOOT’ will be the sound of summer, and the neighbours had better watch out.
WILL JONES - is The Outsider