The Outsider: It’s all in the grin
|By Will Jones - The Outsider | March 16, 2017|
The tooth fairy has been rather busy at our house, recently. Little Z has been dropping teeth faster than Donald Trump has been losing cabinet members and, after the front four fell out in almost as many days his smile looks like the back of a pickup truck when the tailgate’s flopped down.
Little Z is OK with this, of course because the tooth fairy has been quite good to him. One night we’re guessing that she must have been really busy in the neighbourhood because she’d obviously run out of loonies, right out of change, no less. The little blighter got a $10 dollar bill under his pillow.
My lovely wife was quite surprised but I guessed that the tooth fairy was probably paying him up front for the next four or five that fall out. I told him not to expect any cash for a while, as I knew, for sure, she’d not be stopping by any time soon. My son doesn’t believe me but I’m pretty confident that the molar loving midget will be staying away.
All this talk of teeth in our household got me talking about it at work, too, and one of my colleagues, who is, how shall we put it, dentally challenged, bemoaned the fact that we only get two sets in a lifetime. This got me thinking.
Why is it that we do only get two goes at our teeth? Surely, we’d be a lot better off if a third set pushed its way through on or around our 40th birthday. But then again would that mean we’d live forever because, in times gone by, just like the majestic elephant, when our teeth fell or wore out that was probably our lot, so to speak (with a little bit of spit and drool thrown in, too). We’d not be able to chew our hardtack and beef jerky, thus slowly starve and make way for another poor but toothier bugger to cozy up to the workhouse broom.
There you go, I’ve answered my own question. We only get two sets so that we don’t last too long. But if that’s the case, then why don’t sharks live forever, and beaver’s too because their teeth grow or regenerate constantly, don’t they? Mind you, having teeth like these guys would put a whole new meaning on giving a toothy grin!
And so it is that Little Z is made to brush his teeth and the holes in between them every night, even if he does complain that brushing time should be cut down to match his current less than full set. Can you believe that, he is bargaining on time taken to brush being dependent on number of gnashers.
That did it for me. I bared my own yellowing mouth pegs at him, partially to show what happens when you don’t take the best of care, before snarling, “brush your teeth boy or I’ll wait up for the tooth fairy and take out my own dental disappointment on her before she gets to look under your pillow again!”
WILL JONES - is The Outsider