The Outsider: Do grass, it's the new trend
|By Will Jones - The Outsider | May 31, 2018|
Are you a follower of trends? One of those folks who loves to get in with the crowd, do what the cool kids are doing. I am, or I was.
Whatever it was, I’d be there. As a kid, it was skateboarding. My mum bought me one and I did it, morning, noon and night. I wasn’t very good, though; the skinned knees and elbows soon became tiresome and by the time I’d mastered a toe flip, my peers had ditched skateboarding and moved on to the next trend, stealing alcohol from their parents’ liquor cabinets and being sick in the field behind the local municipal hall. Yep, it took me that long to learn to skateboard.
I was more successful at the drinking trend and could be relied upon to be sick almost every time, especially if someone offered me a cigarette too.
Fashion was also big in my teens and whatever the trend I could be relied upon to follow it. It seemed to me that trends were specifically designed to upset my dad because no matter what stylish creation I sported, be it baggy pants with cuffs on the ankles, purple dyed streaks in my hair, an earring or shoulder padded suit jacket he’d call me a ‘pillock’ and grumpily tell me I looked ridiculous. Of course, at the time, I swore he was wrong and went about my ‘trendy’ life strutting like a peacock. Albeit, looking back at some of the photos of my youth, perhaps my dad did have his finger on the pulse, not of teen trends but simply on what his son should not have been wearing.
But they were trends, right, and I followed them, to the letter, no matter what. And that, my friends is where I now realize I’ve been going wrong. For so long I’ve been a follower but no more. This time I’m ahead of the game, at the forefront, a trend setter and you’ll soon all be following me. You see, as spring has sprung, our backyard has burst into life and that patch of dirt in the middle of it that we call a veggie garden has begun to erupt in weeds. Now, for the longest time I’ve followed the grow your own, the be sustainable, the ‘from garden to table’ gardening trend that so many slavishly follow around here. And, every year, it kills me.
The tilling is a pain. The planting, amidst swarms of black flies is brutal. The weeding, oh the weeding, how I hate it. And for what? A handful of pockmarked tomatoes, a row of stunted carrots. No lettuce or peas because the critters eat them ... you get my drift?
And so this year, I’m starting my own trend and pioneering a new movement. It’s called ‘bring grass back’ and it entails a quick rake over the dirt and the tossing of a sack of grass seeds, all over what was my veggie garden. How’s that for a great idea? No planting rows, no weeding, no failed crop disappointment, perfect.
Then, with all the time I’ve saved, I’m gonna’ concentrate on trying to master one of my childhood trends. No, not the skateboarding, I think that would still be beyond me. I was going for the drinking, without being sick. And I might get my ear pierced again, too.
WILL JONES - is The Outsider