The Outsider: Crafty like an Arctic fox
|By Will Jones - The Outsider | January 11 2018|
Holy moly, that was some cold snap, eh!? You see … I told you I’m getting more Canadian. If I’d still been in England, I’d never have uttered a sentence like that. First and foremost, because my country of origin is never this mind-numbingly cold and second because I’d have said something like ‘cor blimey gov’ner, it’s bloody freezin’, ain’t it?’ in a voice reminiscent of Dick Van Dyke’s oft ridiculed accent in his portrayal of Bert the chimney sweep in Mary Poppins.
But wasn’t it cold, wow! Over 40 below zero, with the wind chill. I feel I have to put that last part in to appease some of you cold weather temp purists (there’s always one who’ll correct you, isn’t there?) And, thinking that we should be sensible and cozy up indoors last weekend, I instructed my lovely wife and Little Z that we’d be staying in and getting crafty.
Now, I should have known that all wouldn’t run smoothly, right from the get-go. For starters, my lovely wife does not like being ‘instructed’ to do anything. She’s a strong-willed woman who works better with gentle persuasion, rather than bold instruction. But me, only having been married to her for 15 years, is still learning such idiosyncrasies.
“OK,” she said, with a strange glint in her eye, and I thought nothing more of it. The next thing I saw was the patio door wide open and snow blowing in! I looked out of the kitchen window and saw that brilliant, immaculate sunlight that you get when the ground is carpeted white, the sky bright blue and the temperature seriously below freezing but sure enough it was snowing outside the patio door.
After a few moments of assuming that either the weather or I had gone completely mad, I investigated and found that my lovely wife and son had thought it great fun to be crafty like a fox, so to speak, rather than ‘crafty’ like doing crafts (it’s another one of those Canadian words that I’ve picked up).
The crazy pair were bundled up, standing outside on a balcony above the patio door with a kettle, an extension cord, a pail of water and a saucepan. The fun went like this: fill the kettle, boil it, empty it into the pan and then throw boiling water into the air. The frigid temperatures were such that the hot water immediately froze and turned into a snow shower. Great fun, eh!
The dastardly duo had tricked me and both thought it hilarious, that is until I closed and locked the door onto the balcony, went downstairs, put the fire on and calmly made a cup of tea, all the while listening to their muffled cries (and threats) from outside on the upstairs balcony. Ha, we can all be crafty, can’t we!? P.S I did let them in again very soon after, as I saw that strange glint start to appear in my wife’s eyes again.
WILL JONES - is The Outsider