The Outsider: Putting the posh in poo
|By Will Jones - The Outsider | August 17, 2017|
Now, I have a feeling that during my time as The Outsider I may have previously touched upon, if that is not too unsavoury a description, the topic of outhouses.
But that is not going to put me off taking the plunge again, if you'll pardon the horrendous image that I may have conjoured there!
You see, I am currently in the throes of building an outhouse and I feel very lucky because the person that I'm building it for wants something quite special. This will be no ordinary privy, no run of the mill (eurgh) po, john or loo. It will be a special little room, one in which things will be done, yes, but one in which problems may also be mulled over, challenges overcome (no not constipational type hurdles!) and ideas formed.
This outhouse has a passive convection-fueled ventilation system, no less. It has a window, some four feet by three, which looks out into a beautiful stand of Birch and Maple, and beyond the river twinkles in the sunlight. This outhouse has a cedar shake roof, and within it, not one but two skylights to allow the dappled rays to penetrate the very innards and purify the soul.
Wow, does this outhouse sound good or what? The owner should charge folk to come on by and take a load off.
Ohh! I just re-read that last line and I didn't mean it to mean what it sounded like it meant. No, I meant take a seat, relax and download. Damn it. Did it again. How do I get away from the poo puns when trying to depict the delights of this dunny?
Let's just say that this outhouse is not going to be a small shed covering a box with a hole in it balanced over a pit full of poo. Well, it is, I guess, but it's going to be all of that and more. A little indoor outdoor loo that almost anyone would be pleased to go to. In fact, I'm a bit worried that I haven't dug the hole deep enough, such will be the demand for this particular shrine to the most necessary of habits.
And, talking of shrines, of temples, of places of worship, such is the reverance and awe with which this outhouse has been spoken of during its construction that the words 'palace', even 'mahal' have been used. Tis as if going to/in this lovely little room in the woods would be like visiting some kind of shitty shangri-la (oops, can I say that?) you get my drift – and that stink won't drift because of the ventilation system, remember!
Yes, this outhouse will be the place that you wish you could be every time you have to use one of the other sort. You know, the ones with the door that won't quite latch, which quickly becomes evident as a bonus because it allows the flies to escape!
If I have mentioned outhouses before in my time as The Outsider, I apologize. But, I swear, when this special little outhouse is complete I'll be delighted, and relieved, and looking forward to where I'll be going next (Darn it, I made those poop puns again.)
WILL JONES - is The Outsider