The Outsider: The joys of spring
|By Will Jones - The Outsider | April 27, 2017|
Damn it! I knew there were a couple of things that I hated about the end of winter and this weekend has seen both of them materialize. Two necessary evils that can be guaranteed to raise their ugly heads during the first sign of a warm spring day. Like the one we had this weekend. The kind of day that makes you feel good to be alive. Until, that is, my dual nemeses struck.
The first of these annual blights on my spring joy is the row with my neighbour from across the river. He’s a funny little fellow who, while perfectly amiable for the most part, has certain ideas about what is fun and what is not when it comes to a sunny spring day. And these ideas do not match mine.
As such, no sooner had I fired off a couple of rounds to pattern my shotgun for the turkey season than I heard my neighbour calling from across the river.
Not calling on the phone, but rather yelling from across the river.
Soon we both stood in my backyard grimacing and moaning at each other, our hackles raised, our weapons drawn. Quite literally. He was brandishing a canoe paddle, me a shotgun. I felt like I had the upper hand. The scene was quite comical when I think about it; albeit, it could have looked a tad menacing to an innocent bystander.
An hour later and we’d both had our say, raised voices had simmered down and we were each back on our respective sides of the river. The result? Nothing had changed other than an hour out of both of our first sunny spring afternoons had been wasted.
And then, to add insult to injury, my lovely wife put a total kibosh on my day by bringing out my other worst spring nightmare. The trampoline!
If there’s one thing that I truly hate about the coming of spring, and the end of fall for that matter, it’s dealing with this godforsaken monstrosity of a garden toy. I loathe it for multiple reasons, the main one being that I have to look at it whenever I turn to gaze wondrously at my perfect piece of rural Canadian heaven.
There it is, front and centre, a massive, stupid, pool noodle-clad frame, pad and net, ruining my view.
“But your son loves it,” I am reminded every time I moan, “can’t we get rid of that @#$%^*& thing?”
He loves Pokemon, too, but we don’t have to have a giant yellow Pikachu in the garden!
And then there’s the laborious task of putting the damn thing up (and taking it down). So many parts – nuts, washers, screws, bolts, legs, frames, net, pad, pool noodles, posts, post tops, string to tie the net down, springs, so many springs, and the bouncy bit, too. Plus, a selection of tools to assemble said pieces, a guarantee that a couple of small parts are missing, and, a sure fire bet that I’ll pinch a finger in a spring and give myself a blister. Oh how I hate that trampoline.
So, that was my weekend. I hope yours was better. Here’s hoping this coming weekend is more fun. Ah, but there’s the veggie garden to contemplate. Bugger!
WILL JONES - is The Outsider